little. yellow. different. A weblog by Ernie Hsiung

Infographics + Pop Songs = Awesomeness

Richard has a whole meme of songs as chartage, mostly from his LiveJournal community.

Not wanting to to pass a good meme when I see one, I humbly submit my own chart to the project:

Note that Ludacris does, indeed, have very little hos in the Manitoba area.

Aaah, the corporate gay e-mail list

From: [Name edited] [xxx@yahoo-inc.com]
To: Yahoo! LGBT Stakeholders Group [xxx@yahoo-inc.com]
Time: 12:33pm

[Giant e-mail forward regarding Hilary Clinton's campaign edited out for brevity.]

From: Rufus, Yahoo! LGBT Moderator [xxx@yahoo-inc.com]
To: Yahoo! LGBT Stakeholders Group [xxx@yahoo-inc.com]
Time: 1:00pm

In the interests of keeping this Group as friendly and non-combative as possible, I would like to discourage the discussion of the political campaign and the candidates. Just think of it as a first date and avoid topics around politics, religion, and kids.

Thanks,
- Rufus

Ps. I’m just joking about the kids. We’re a family friendly group and what better to cheer up a day than by sending out a cute kid photo.

From: Ernie [xxx@yahoo-inc.com]
To: Yahoo! LGBT Stakeholders Group [xxx@yahoo-inc.com]
Time: 1:11pm

… Unless your kid is Republican. Or Catholic.

Hello Kitty gets an MMORPG

Like the other ten million people out there, I play World of Warcraft. It’s a massively multiplayer online role-playing game, or MMORPG for short; I go online and I can fight monsters or other players from around the world. But today, a new MMORPG has entered a private invitation-only phase that could possibly bring Blizzard to it’s murloc-killing, PVP-flagged, epic-wearing knees:

HELLO KITTY ONLINE.

Why yes, the makers of Hello Kitty is entering the MMORPG realm, specifically “Targeting female players from their pre-teens to twenties.” AND ME.

Efren: but what the hell would hello kitty fight? bad badtz maru gone awry?
Ernie: hahahaha… bad bad bad badzmaru
Ernie: or maybe hello kitties evil twin sister, born on the ninth plane of hell
Efren: oh god…like those bad hello kitties you see now with the skulls and stuff?
Ernie: Exactly.

The thought of using two flaming swords to topple a 100-foot demon Pochacco and three Kero kero keroppi spawns somehow fills me with glee. Okay, it probably won’t be that as much as it will be a way to customize the fabulous outfit that you’re wearing, but a boy can dream.

Rainbow Nation and Gay Asian Male Stereotypes

From Current: Rainbow Nation, a five minute “pod” on stereotypes and Gay Asian males.

That’s a way to get a response from me; create a video that starts out with the line, “Asian men have a lot of diseases [and] small penises.”

Gimmicky way to start off a documentary aside, some interesting points are raised by this video: stereotypes of Gay Asian men exist - that they’re skinny, smooth, only date white guys and that they are effeminate and thus passive. The pod also asserts that non-Asians feel that the stereotypes of Asians are justified because that’s all they see when they walk around in the Castro on go on chat rooms.

Usually it’s easy to write my own personal opinions on the matter, but for this post I’m having a strangely difficult time on this one. Maybe it’s because I’m definitely not a gay Asian stereotype - I’m definitely NOT skinny, I can’t dress for shit (ask my friend Royce; he’ll tell you stories) and I don’t think I’m THAT effeminate (feel free to shoot me down if I assume wrong.) While fighting stereotypes sound like a noble thing, when you’re coming out of the closet you WANT to fit in somewhere, be in a tribe, look and act like everyone else as a way to not feel ostracized. I had huge self-esteem issues where I’ve felt like the only way I could ever find a boyfriend is if I were to somehow magically lose fifty pounds and dress in DKNY, because that’s the only thing I saw - horrible, but true. As a result, I hung out with the bear subculture for a while, but that didn’t make things any better - an experience with discrimination there is one of the reasons why I started 8Asians.

Now I’m a little older and I know that if someone is trying so hard to live up to a certain label that they’re not really worth my effort anyway. Dating is still a challenge but if someone is not into me, then their bad. Gaysians, what are your experiences?

Proof

Six years ago, I was on The Weakest Link. A bunch of posts were written about the experience, most of which was wrapped up nicely in essay form and published in a book. And finally - FINALLY - I’m able to upload the video to the Internets and embed it relatively easily.

Me on The Weakest Link from Ernie Hsiung on Vimeo.

I’m the blond girl in the flowery dress. Ha ha, just kidding.

But Ernie, you say. It’s 2008 and this was years ago. Why now? Sixty percent of the motivation is because the movie file was on a VERY old laptop I don’t use anymore - whereas in 2003 I had to host the file, embed the file, and not guarantee the movie will play properly due to your settings. Now everything is centralized and people embed video without second thought.

As for the other 40 percent: pure vanity - why fight it? I’d like to think that if I were suddenly to disappear from his earth tomorrow I’d like to be remembered, that there would be digital evidence that I had actually existed somewhere. And what better evidence than millions of zeroes and ones, forming the shape of me answering the question of “what is 9 x 5″ on national television?

(And to Tom, who recorded the episode for me a long, long time ago: Thank you. I owe you a beer.)

Where Anil extols the virtues of Snoop-Dogg’s new video

Anil: http://snoopdogg.com/player/default.aspx?mid=3578&bhcp=1

Ernie: oh no. the first second…
Anil: you has no idea
Ernie: he hasn’t even started performing yet
Anil: i’m telling you
Anil: it’s beyond anything you can imagine
Anil: i’m writing a book-length post on it now
Ernie: [watching now]
Ernie: …
Anil: YOU LOVE IT
Ernie: OMFG THERE’S A WIND MACHINE
Anil: you ain’t seen shit
Ernie: i am honest to god speechless
Anil: i win! i think it’s so special

Ernie: did they fucking put PCP in his weed?
Anil: no they put GENIUS in it.
Anil: this is why he’s snoop dogg

Ernie: this is on level with ice cube starring in kids movies, except… completely not
Anil: right
Anil: cube went soft
Anil: like, eddie murphy soft
Anil: meanwhile snoop got even more real
Anil: he’s like “yeah, i used to kill people. now look at my round bed in space.”

Playlist: BPR’s Shuffled

Last year, I compiled a playlist of the music I played the most throughout the entire year via last.fm and made a mix CD for all of my friends. It turned out to be a one-time thing, but when Boston Progress Radio asked me to contribute for their Shuffled! project - write about the songs that come up on their iPods in shuffled mode - I thought it was a good idea.

The fact that my iPod has mostly songs that I’ve played the most in 2007 is just pure coincidence. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

The blog post for bprlive won’t be out for another month or two, but here’s an unabridged version of what I wrote for the post:

1. Tracey Thorn - It’s All True [video]

   I’m a huge fan of Everything But The Girl, thanks to a little Todd Terry remix of “Missing” that I listened to over and over again in college. This is my favorite track from her solo album - her sultry and sad vocals complement the driving electronic beat nicely. This is my pinnacle “dance in the kitchen while you’re washing dishes” song.

2. Inara George - Fools Work [video]

   Doing some YouTube searches on Bird and the Bee I came across this simple but beautiful music video by it’s lead singer, Inara George. The video was enough for me to run on iTunes and buy the entire album on the spot. The song is both memorizing and heartbreaking.

3. Federico Aubele - Postales [video]

   I’m a big fan of Thievery Corporation, and I’m a big fan of Gotan Project. So when someone in Brazil that I met off a social network recommended recommended this Argentine down-tempo artist to me, well, there’s no real way I’m going to NOT like the album. I listen to this track in bed before I drift off to sleep - the accordion and classical guitar is perfect to chill out to.

4. The Cat Empire - In My Pocket [no good video on youtube]

   I can’t find a good video for this song on YouTube. This is a damn shame, because this is an incredibly fun song by an incredibly fun Australian fusion band - you know, those rock, rap, ska fusion bands that have a brass section that play songs that frat boys smoke weed to. Should you get a chance to listen to this song, wait until the “na na na na” part, and I guarantee that you’ll have the tune in your head for the rest of the week.

   Coincidentally, this is the only song in this shuffle mix where it’s a guy singing vocals. Draw your own conclusions.

5. Tokyo Jihen - 遭難 (sounan) [video]

   I picked up both of Tokyo Jihen’s albums when I went on vacation to Tokyo this year. I won’t lie - because this song is in Japanese I have no idea what lead singer Shina Ringo is singing about. I don’t care. This song rocks.

6. Catherine McPhee - Over It [video]

   Up to now, if you didn’t know any better you would think I’m only into indie, or at the very least, non-mainstream music. This is an outright lie, as I’m actually one of the biggest whores of pop music you’ll ever meet. Case in point, Catherine McPhee, runner-up to Taylor Whatshisface in American Idol. Pop music - especially cheesy ballads - is awesome because they capture one emotion amazingly well: the feeling of getting your heart ripped out from your chest and being stomped into a million pieces. Or convincing yourself that you will get over said heart-ripping, when everyone knows you’re really just fooling yourself.

   I had a couple of heart-stomped-on moments last year, and Ms. McPhee has done wonders for my sanity. For which, I am truly grateful.

7. Priscilla Ahn - Dream [video]

   Asian American artist alert! I first heard about Priscilla Ahn on MP3 blog aurgasm.us, where the following comment was posted on the blog: “A songbird voice, if ever I’ve heard one. She makes me relax and feel like I am sitting right in the middle of nature. To be able to sing a song and bring a near 60 year old woman back to feeling like she’s 12 again is an amazing feat.” Yeah, that pretty much describes it nicely. Dream kinda makes me want to cry.

A completely fictional phone conversation with my mother…

…after the events of today. (Mandarin, like always, is in italics.)

(The cellphone rings.)

Ernie: Hello?
Ernie’s Mom: SEE!? I TOLD YOU YOU SHOULD HAVE STICKED TO THE BUTTERFLIES!

(Cut to Mom high-fiving Steve Ballmer, turning to the camera and both giving the thumbs-up sign. Cue laugh track, fade to black.)

The BravoNation Book

So like any good web application, BravoNation, the site I’ve been working on at Yahoo!, also offers a badge. This is ours, developed by Jeffrey Bennett.

Kinda cool, huh? Kind of like that scene from Jurassic Park where that eight year old girl says she knows Unix. (And if anyone wants an invitation, let me know still.)

As far as the possible news about layoffs? I’ll deal with it when I get there. I’ve dealt with it before.

Change it to the Butterflies

For the past couple of months or so, my mom has been nagging me to buy her a computer - when my parents split, my dad moved out of the house and got a new laptop and DSL service, leaving my mother with a old computer running Windows 2000, a hand-me-down keyboard and one of those fucked up boxy CRT monitors that you only see when television news crews do stories on public libraries and elementary schools. (Well, actually, my dad got a new laptop and new DSL service and bought a new condo and a new SUV. But that’s not the focus of this blog post.)

Mom: I want a new computer. With a big monitor. BIG MONITOR.
Ernie: What are you going to use the computer for, mom?
Mom: I want to check my e-mail.

I know full well that buying a new computer and Internet service for my mother is a lose-lose situation: if my mother doesn’t use the computer at all, I essentially have bought her a very expensive paperweight. But if my mother learns to use the Internet too well, my mother suddenly has access to everything I’ve ever published over the World Wide Web. EVERYTHING. Thankfully, “the future” has let us down on many things - Chinese-to-English machine translation being one of them - so I push on with my plan to purchase my mother an early Christmas present: an iMac.

A $1,600 dollar, 20-inch iMac.

The iMac isn’t so much a computer as it is a big shiny white version of modern technology; a computer that was so different from the previous six year old desktop computer that it would be a symbol that her technically adept son does care about her, even through consumerist means. And it has a big monitor. I could just walk into the Apple store, buy a computer, set it up for her with a dial-up service, and that would be that, right?

Wrong.

1) Buying the computer is easy enough. The nice geek in the Apple shirt swipes your credit card, goes to the stock room and hands you a thirty pound box. You then carry the thirty pound box half a mile to the parking garage, then an additional mile to the other parking garage when you realize that your mother has guided you to the wrong parking garage. (OPEN NOTE TO VALLEY FAIR MALL, SAN JOSE CA: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TWO MACY’S ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE MALL? SERIOUSLY, FIND YOUR MALL DESIGNER AND SHAKE HIM FOR ME. <3, ERNIE)

2) Purchasing dial-up Internet service is surprisingly difficult nowadays, especially when you're sitting in a house that doesn't have Internet service, and your mom is looking over your shoulder baffled as to why she can't get her e-mail, while the giant-monitor computer is plainly in front of her. Gone are the days of AOL CDs, and the one time I wanted a desktop icon to install dial-up Internet service for my mom, there was none. I end up being up-sold at a local Best Buy and end up buying a DSL Modem for my mother. DSL service, which takes up to four days for the telephone company to install. Which means I have to come back to my mother's house again in a week.

3) Once the DSL finally works, I sit my mother down, set the mouse pointer and font sizes annoyingly large, and load up Safari. My mother is finally ready to drive on the Information Superhighway, and god knows that she's going to be a crazy old Asian lady about it and drive hella slow and piss everyone off.

Ernie: And here you go. Look, it even has Yahoo! Taiwan on the front page! You don’t even have to type anything.
Mom: I don’t want Yahoo!. I want the one with the butterflies.

“The one with the butterflies,” of course, is MSN.com, the service she had when my parents were on dial-up.

Ernie: But Mom, I work for Yahoo!. You know that, right? That I work for Yahoo!? See that link to your left? Mom, I WORKED ON THAT.
Mom: Yes, I know. But the butterflies, they are so colorful!
Ernie: The site is in English. MSN Taiwan doesn’t even look right on Safari with big fonts. Are you going to be using the page at all?
Mom: Change it to the butterflies!
Ernie: …

Ernie: Okay, we’re ready to set up your e-mail. What’s your e-mail address?
Mom: … I don’t have an e-mail address.
Ernie: I thought you were going to use this to “check your e-mail.”
Mom: Eventually. How would I be able to write e-mails anyway? You don’t know how to write in Chinese.
Ernie: I’m going out for a cigarette.
Mom: I thought you quit smo-
Ernie: I’M GOING OUT FOR A CIGARETTE.

So yeah. With my hard-earned time and money, I just invested in a very nice computer for my mother. That she’ll probably won’t use. On the flip side, she probably doesn’t know that I’m writing about her on the Internet. I’m making a long bet that she won’t know how to type my full English name into a search engine. If there’s a God in Heaven, He’ll keep her from typing my name in a search engine.